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I'm THAT guy... the one your gynecologist warned you about...

By   Mon, Dec 22, 2008

Comfy.. I like it here...  You know, some people might be thinking to themselves, "Damn Ryan, what's it like being the only dude working at a magazine with an all girl staff"?  Well, let's just say I walk on eggshells, and carry a holster full of 'estrogen-be-gone'...  Seriously though, how cool are these girls.  Taking it upon themselves to take what they love and step it up a couple of notches (I was gonna say 'grab it by the balls', but I couldn't do it without wincing..)  Suffice to say that the best is yet to come and you'll be seeing Road Crew Magazine popping up on the radar screens of more and more places in a short period of time. 

Much like dudes in real life, I am here to wrestle off the stubborn pickle jar lids... only in a web sense.  I try to make sure things run smoothly, and the girls do a very good job of making me feel as though I'm needed, even though they are doing just fine on their own.  I'll be contributing from time to time on articles and such, and within the gear and tech department as well.  While I do employ a certain air of political natured banter, I am, in most respects, a prick. 

But hey, if you wanted sugar-coated reviews and opinions, you'd be viewing a Disney blog, right?  In a nutshell, (besides various odd-jobs and stints in loser bands) I was a television/broadcast engineer for about 15 years before becoming a full time professional photographer with my beautiful wife back in about 1999.  I've been playing guitar (in the loosest sense of the term) since I was about 10 or so, and started playing drums when I was like 14.  I have played in various bands since I was probably 15, doing everything from playing drums, to guitar, bass, and vocals... Heavy Metal is my love, but I've played in country, southern fried rock and even played in pageants for Miss Missouri, LOL!  I found out totally unexpectedly that it was also a great way to meet girls, although I was much too wrapped up in my music to notice.

Oh.. and I absolutely HATE (with a passion) slow songs... especially from Metal bands. I get it.. you are an artist and you are expressing yourself, blah, blah, blah.. Bullshit;  You are looking for either A) radio airtime (read: sellout), or B) a bigger piece of the sub-17 year old demographic.  Keep that shit in your head.  My ass may burn if I take a dump after eating a 1/2 a pound of jalepenos on my pizza the night before, BUT I DON'T NEED TO TELL EVERYONE ABOUT IT!!!  Besides, if I wanted to hear that crap, I'd do it right, and call up the music firm of Manilow, Diamond, and Groban... cuz they OWN that niche, you posers! -Ryan

 

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Comments(7):

Hail the Dean King

Sunday, June 07, 2009 Jennifer

I loved it Ryan. You did forget how you can easily plant a seed with a single catalog! *winks*

re: sowing my seeds

Sunday, June 07, 2009 Ryan

Oh yeah, the 'corruption' portion of my bio.. However, I wouldn't want people thinking I'm nice or anything, besides, they'd never believe me, LOL!! I will add, "furthering encouragement in the interest of the music arts for future generations" to the list. Oh, and remind me to have the 'birds and bees of guitar' talk with Kim.. That is the differences of 'pointy' guitars versus 'roundies'... But seeing as her interest is already heading towards the 'non-traditional' end of the spectrum, I think she might already know more than I think. - "Uncle Ryan, how do Baby Z's get here?'... "uhhhh, I don't know, go ask your mom" *exits room*.. -Ryan

as long as you promise

Sunday, June 07, 2009 jenipher

to never forget that 'every thorn has its rose'.

WE

Sunday, June 07, 2009 Melisa

would have a boring life without you, Charlie...I mean come on, who else could I send Rhino Thong pictures too and them appreciate it?????? Oh and P.S. you might want to stay away from tomorrow's This Day In Rock....dare I say the D word?????? DISCO!

Every Rose Dies

Sunday, June 07, 2009 Ryan

and I'm down with the disco. I'd rather listen to it that power ballads.

PLEAAASEEE!!

Sunday, June 07, 2009 Becca

Without power ballads half the metal heads in the world wouldn't have gotten laid. Sorry to say it, but, they just can't come up with the right words on their own so they throw on Bret Michaels or Sebastian Bach and WALA..the metal head race continues...for the betterment of the whole human race mind you...

Speaking from Experience??

Sunday, June 07, 2009 Ryan

That might be true for someone trying to justify their having slept with a bunch of losers back in the day, but it doesn't fly here. What power ballads actually did was to create a never-ending supply of 'Disneyfied' chick fantasies. Pure hell for the guy that tried to actually live up to any of these expectations... Then, out of pure frustration, the guy dumps fairy tale girl. After this happens a half a dozen times or so, she then subsequently falls into a state of depression because she is baffled as to why no dude wants her; Or, she turns into a slut because it's the only way she feels she can get attention. Next thing you know, we have every metal band doing an 'unplugged' concert series, cutting their hair and ultimately winding up on a reality series.. Yeah.. good shit. I hope my kids never have to suffer through that indignation.